March 10, 2012

This is the first time in a while that I can sit down and just write. After three-ish weeks of stress, triumphs and failures I feel prepared to share.

February 28th was my District solo. I spent the entire week preceding it practicing, hour after hour.  We managed to grab one of the few available practice rooms. Imagine a saxophone, two trumpets, and a flute(me), in a tiny room trying to play four different songs.
Slowly the trumpets left to play before their respective judges. I paced, played, sat, stood up and went over the music in my head until it was our turn. The others asked if they could be in the room while I played and I didn’t have the heart to tell them that that might make me nervous. But who was I kidding, my hands were sweaty and my heart was pounding.
It was a white, wide and spacious room. The judge sat in front of ceiling to floor mirrors. Looking into them I thought I looked composed while inside a storm of nervous made me want to juggle from foot to foot. I do believe I did that a bit during the performance itself. Oops.
Nevertheless, I played. I played for all those hours of practice and because I thought I could do it. Every time nerves surged up I shoved them down. Halfway through the song I winced. Listening closely to my piano accompaniment my worst dream came true. I was off beat. Coming into a rest where I corrected it, I flushed red but continued to play. By the time the song ended I’d accepted defeat. Next year.
We went to eat and then came back for the results. Our little group waited….
And the results came as bittersweet.
My trumpet friend got a two, had she memorized it it would have been a one.
The saxophone senior got a two, apparently she missed some measures. Not sure what the other trumpet got.
Then came my turn. Our band director handed me a little black and gold medal. Shock came before my big smile. I got a ONE!!!!! For Superior. And a lovely little grey mark besides, eligible for state. Ha, I still can’t believe I’m going to state. That’ll be a shiny new experience so however I do I know I’ll be pleased with my accomplishments at the end of the year. Best of all, God kept me company during those long hours of practice and anticipation.

And now for last week. Tests, tests, tests. Pretty sure I did well on them. Except one. Let’s see, can you guess my most hated subject? Yup, that’s  right. Trig/Advanced Mathematics. Oh my. Since the beginning of the semester I’ve been having trouble. Mostly with Geometry ’cause I haven’t taken the class yet…
My letter score? A big, fat D. I kept telling myself I didn’t care. But I do. I’m close to failing this one class while the rest of my grades are up there with the A. I’m a perfectionist, and a little ambitious. I lost the opportunity to be valedictorian in eighth grade. Now I want to be valedictorian when I graduate. I know that I can do it, it’s just… Math.
 I lost count of the number of speeches my teacher has given me. But I don’t feel comfortable asking her for help, especially when she’s so… impatient. But I know I’ll have to if I want to get an A this second part of the semester. I at least want to bring my semester grade to a B. Ambitious? Yeah, that’s me, we’ll just see how it goes.

Recently I received the Kreative Blogger Award, that’ll be my next post. Enough ramblings for today right?

~Tally

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